Why time is such a welcome gift: Mothers struggle with the economic and emotional demands of raising a family
Vancouver Sun
May 9, 2009
By Denise Ryan

…. For Fitterman, part of becoming a mother meant rethinking her work life. It's a choice she made as soon as she and her husband decided to start a family. She has no regrets.

According to Statistics Canada, the typical mother these days is, like Fitterman, a working mother.

A full 70 per cent of women whose youngest children are between three and five are employed, either full- or part-time. The numbers are similar whether the mother is partnered or single.

That makes figuring out just how to negotiate the demands of work and parenting one of what Judith Stadtman, founder of the North American "mothers' movement" calls "the central complication" in the lives of contemporary mothers.

Although socially, culturally and economically the working mother is the new norm, "there are lingering issues around pay, professional status, poverty, caregiving and maternal status," Stadtman said.

"Western society is still adjusting to the economic trends and social changes that highlight the conflict in women's lives between working in a job and caring for a family," Stadtman said.

Fitterman, who likes to keep things simple, decided to sort the complication out herself and opted out of the rat race.

FAMILY TIME OVER EARNINGS

…. "Corporate culture says we value working women and mothers, and some do. But you'd have to go to Sweden to find it really done well," she joked.

Being self-employed doesn't give Fitterman the security of a regular paycheque, but she has no regrets. "I wanted to have children. I had to work. I've made choices."

… Her husband, who also worked from home when the kids were toddlers, got on board early with childcare.

Although being self-employed sometimes means working while on vacation (she even worked through both labours and deliveries), she puts family time over maximizing earnings.

"I would say my whole life after children, it's about time, not money," Fitterman said….

A demographic picture of the "average mom" in Canada looks like this: She has her first child at 29.7 years old, averages 1.5 kids and works full- or part-time for pay or profit. Sixty-seven per cent of Canadian moms work in "pink-collar" jobs such as teaching, nursing, clerical or administrative occupations.

Although Stadtman says that motherhood is "an extremely individualized experience," the most profound shared change for mothers in North America is that most mothers of this generation contribute to the home economically.

"This is the central demographic and societal shift of the past generation," Stadtman said. "Mothers work out of economic necessity, and most children grow up in a household where all parents are in the workforce. It's a historic and demographic change that is permanent," she said.

Although participating in the workforce is the norm for today's mothers, diversity or individuality is the other element that defines them.

"The last 15 years have really exploded the demographic for the so-called typical mother," said Dr. Paul Kershaw, University of B.C. assistant professor in human early learning partnership

"We still have people having babies early, but it's not uncommon for women to have their first babies in their late 30s," Kershaw said. He cites the urban/rural divide, income differences, class differences and racial differences as just some of the factors that have wiped out the notion of the "typical" mother.

The common problem among mothers, Kershaw said, is the "time poverty" that comes from managing their roles as caregivers with the demands of work.

"Mothers suffer real angst and guilt," Kershaw said, but it isn't realistic for most families to have one parent stay home.

"The national council of welfare has shown that were you to eliminate from couples incomes that which is brought in by women's incomes, you would triple the poverty rate," Kershaw said.

"Canada is lagging internationally when it comes to early learning and childcare. That has everything to do with the tension that remains in our views of what women's roles are.

"We support paid labour as long as it doesn't interfere with our vision of the ideal childhood, and those two visions are in real conflict.

"It is a major black mark on Canada's reputation internationally to be consistently highlighted as having inadequate infrastructure to care for the youngest members of our society," Kershaw said.

Dr. Barb Mitchell, a sociology professor at Simon Fraser University agrees that for working mothers, "childcare is the biggest issue."

GROWING DEMANDS

Complicating things even more is that mothers' roles are extended as grown children delay leaving home.

Many mothers are also taking on an aging population. "They find themselves sandwiched between competing demands of a younger generation, tough economic times, and cutbacks to community programs and supports," Mitchell said.

The "sandwich" often has more than two slices of bread with mom in between. Sometimes there are so many generations relying on mom, Mitchell calls it a "clubhouse."

Why do moms end up getting squeezed? "Mothers's roles have always been the emotional epicentre and glue that holds the family together," Mitchell said.

Mitchell recently interviewed several hundred mothers for The Parenting Project, a study on contemporary parenting….

"For recent immigrants, moms with language barriers and no social networks, there can be a lot of stress and strain."….

"It would be great on Mother's Day if it was an occasion to highlight and celebrate the diversity of motherhood rather than some fixed image."