Re: "Moms should stay at home" 6 June 2007

It eludes me why so many stay-at-home moms care so much about mothers who decide to work. Where is the strong evidence that children are adversely affected by high quality day care? Lisa Blais's accusation that moms who work are doing so to gain more material possessions angers me. Who is she to report on why other mothers work?

Personally, I grew up in an economically depressed area. I saw many mothers who were uneducated and unskilled trapped along with their children in unhappy and downright abusive and life-threatening relationships. At a very young age I swore this would never happen to me. I wanted children and I would never allow myself to become economically dependent. I worked hard to educate myself - sometimes working 15-hour days during summer months while in high school.

I didn't party with the others in university: I kept my grades high to keep my scholarship. In my late 20s I went to school part-time while working full- time. I got myself a job that would allow us to pay for high quality day care and then we decided to start a family.

I did everything I did for my children. I didn't do this because I wanted a bigger house or more stuff. (I could have obtained a much higher-paying job than I did but that would mean working more hours away from family.) I did this because I didn't want my child to be hungry, trapped in an abusive home or suffer from the anxiety of seeing mom and dad struggle to make ends meet. I watched too many childhood friends suffer through this. I also want to be able to provide opportunities for my children.

My oldest daughter has been in daycare for a couple of years, she is clearly socially advanced and has the speech ability of much older children. She enjoys her friends and likes her teachers who are very caring and professional. We have less time together but I feel it is the quality of our time that keeps the bond strong. Do what works for you and your children.

The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development conducted one of the most extensive studies into the long-term effect of day care. By sixth grade, the researchers detected few differences between the daycare centre kids and the others.

What mattered more than early childcare, in terms of school performance and behavior, were parenting and genes. (Although Ms. Blais may disagree, parents who send children to daycare still parent their children.) The study found that kids who went to high-quality daycare centres had an edge over all the other kids on vocabulary scores. This association didn't decrease, as the kids got older. Children who spent three to four years in low-quality day care before the age of four and a half had a slightly higher risk of disruptive behaviour in school by grade six.

Clearly, if anything, what is needed is access to higher quality day care for those moms who choose to work. Not so that people can accumulate more stuff but so that we do not slide down the slippery slope back to when mothers were let go from their jobs when they had a child or women in general did not get hired at all.

Instead of being judgmental, stay-at-home moms should be grateful that other moms remain part of the workforce keeping options open for them and their children.